“sir, I live in Chennai. I am in love with a girl in Canada. I want to meet her. Life is miserable without talking to her, seeing her and meeting her!!

Hai all...

another INTERESTING FAQ...

“sir, I live in Chennai. I am in love with a girl in Canada. I want to meet her. Life is miserable without talking to her, seeing her and meeting her!!...feel like committing suicide!!...unable to concentrate on anything!!...not liking any one!!...Life is a hellllll!!...please help me!!”

There are many people in this condition today…it is not only teen agers…but across all ages…whether married or unmarried!!...including aged and old!!

attraction to other person without knowing the implications of future puts a person in this state...they don't know how to swim thereafter in love!!

this boy did not think about how he or she is going to meet each other while falling in love on internet during the interesting initial honeymoon days of love!!

Thanks to the internet…social websites…emails…etc

We have all sorts of variations in these loves…from first love to 5th love etc…from love at first sight to love after many years of association…lost childhood friendship becoming ‘found adult love’…between unmarried and married…between two married people…between young girl and old man…between young boy and old lady…between two old people…one failed love of one turning into an obsession on another…one sided love…addictive love…hated childhood friend becoming liked lover later…old lost lover becoming lover again after many years…woffffff…we have as many number of loves as the number of people in love…

Every person is different…therefore every love is different…so the solution or interventions are also different…every case is unique!!

there is no strong or weak person...every one falls in love and 'falls' in love!!

And no one is an escape from Love!!...every one has at least one butterfly inside the heart…some have many…they flutter inside…come out some times…life goes on cool till the butterfly is found!!!!!!!!

In some cases it is the case of physical need…in some emotional need…in some intellectual need…the need list is big!!...in these also the levels of need are different…

The issue is no one knows initially whether it will involve physical or only mental…in physical too there are several levels…

The concept of love has influence in the definition of social systems…Marriage…Family…etc….

But there are certain things common…

1. Every one falls in love for a feeling of acceptance
2. Need for variation in love…need for varieties of personalities in life
3. Need for socialization as human beings being social animals
4. Physical attraction or Personality trait attraction or both
5. Common interests

Like this there are many…

The truth is nature has produced human beings with the capability to love many people during their life cycle…

Every person needs different types of love at the same time throughout the life…at different levels and intensities at different stages in life…

Between two individuals the needs out of love are not same all the time throughout the life…so there are ifs and buts…there are places of vacuum…but the need is always there and it does not vanish…different people use different coping mechanisms to manage the need…

Lack of love affects mental health and in turn the physical health and social health…

Love and affection is the back bone of living!!

Love due to physical appearance only fades off after some time!!

When human beings move up in the need hierarchy ladder in life, after the physical needs are met the first mental need level is love and affection…if it is not fulfilled then the organism goes haywire…also if the organism is unable to achieve the next level of self esteem, then it falls down to the love and affection need …this time vigorously and becomes a dire need…which generally happens after 40…so it results in mad love or obsessive love…it undergoes rough weathers...

Every person finds the unsatisfied need or love relationship in others…for e.g an orphan may find a father or mother in the love…generally the relationship needs differ…i.e girl will see her brother and the boy will see his lover or wife!!...these types of mismatches of ‘relationship needs’ strains the love!!

Every love has following stages…

1. Getting attracted to a person 
2. Trying to know and knowing about that person
3. Revealing everything about us to that person and slow surrendering
4. Total surrendering
5. Living for that person…nothing on this earth matters other than the love and lover
6. Becoming and being a devotee of love to the lover and living life long like that

the type of love that will be formed between two people depends upon their needs, communication and entire dynamics of relationships between the two...it can not be maneuvered...it is not in the hands of both people involved. Only after its maturing they will be able to figure out...

A love can break at any of the above stages and grow from the beginning again else where.

In some cases after reaching 6th level also a new love can start from level 1.
So, failure of one love does not mean end of love and life!!

Obsessive love and addictive love are diseased forms of love. Need treatment by a psychiatrist (for changing brain secretions) and a psychologist (for behavior correction).

Love can happen on living or non living…alive or dead…existing or non-existing!!

Who will fall in love with whom and when….no one knows!!!...

every one has many loves during the life cycle…told and untold…

love is a mystery…and misery too in some loves!!

Love can not be forced, demanded, controlled, expected etc.

One sided loves are plenty.

A person who has not fallen in love with a person can fall in love with the same person later in life.

Every one thinks he or she knows everything about love and has got lots of experiences till that person falls in the next love!!

Love between two unmarried is very easy to solve…but love between two married people with family is difficult to solve but not impossible!!

We can go on writing like this endlessly…..but what we should know is…

1. Love is must, pleasant, dangerous and inescapable

2. The art of living with love needs to be mastered
3. When it affects performing the routine life (basic chores), suicidal thoughts, feeling of causing damage to the other person or self, violent behaviours…under these circumstance a psychiatrist needs to be consulted (i.e brain secretions are affected and needs to be restored)
4. When it affects the happiness or peace and unmanageable by self then a psychologist needs to be consulted

What are the methods to cope with sadness and loss of love…

1. Change of place
2. Change of climate
3. Changing interests
4. Involving with new group of people, new society / community etc
5. Pursuing an art form
6. Taking medicines
7. Rearing dogs or other pets
8. Increasing the nature around
9. Doing yoga, walks, runs, gym etc
10. Keeping the life busy
11. A BIG NOOOO to sedentary life
12. Eating healthy food and avoiding junk foods
13. Taking spirituality path
14. Setting high goals and working towards that
15. Knowing that ‘no lost love is an end’ …always there are many loves waiting!!
16. Being surrounded with pep-up music all the time

Stopping here for limiting the length of the post…see you with more or specific cases later…

Keep rocking…keep loving…as there is no escape to be healthy and living...

Lovingly …rams…health psychologist