Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL...All of us exhibit behaviours. Some of them are liked by others and some of them are not. So, people around us either accept (when it is within their comfort zone) or do not accept. If there is scope to leave the relationship they leave. Otherwise they remain within their comforts, manage the behaviours of others or apply coping skills and live with the other person.
The behaviours of every one depends upon...the way they define and conceptualize their life and living...their likes and dislikes...their passion and goal...their hobbies...their belief systems...their comfort zones...their overall personality traits...their culture...etc...
All the above of one person can not match with all the above of another person. So, there is always a mismatch between two people. Depending upon their priorities, the importance or value one gives to the mismatches and limits one decides to live with the other person or not.
So, people prefer to spend time and energy with people where there is a matching or commonalities. This results in people requiring or having more people and relationships in their lives.
People get motivated to do some behaviours, be with some people or places or items if they get pleasure from it. The pleasure drives them to repeat the behaviours or remain with the people or places or with items. Pleasure always pushes a person to live in fantasy world. Makes the person perceive things differently from others. When he writes kavitha or story or art work or sculpture or singing or dance etc in that state of mind or perception it becomes a great work or performance. It is liked by the other person as it takes him also to a fantasy world of pleasure and good feeling.
Creativity emanating from such minds is different from that emanates from a stable, calm, cool and needless or want-less state of mind. i.e Creativity before satiation of the needs is different from creativity after satiation of the need or in the absence of the need.
When the mind is stable, and pleasure urges are less, they will listen to the other person who tries to moderate the situation, explains the reality etc. Some are born genetically with weaker brains during most of the time in life. So, they will show more affect behaviors with excessive feelings and emotions, live more in fantasy world, less in reality, will look for more pleasures, crave for pleasures, land up with no peace in reality living and might commit social crimes or illegal behaviours.
When the mind is not stable or weak then they go by the motivation of their pleasure behaviours. Some become addictive and obsessive to people, places and items and exhibit behaviours that are not comfortable or healthy for them and all around. Such people need medication and counseling to live in reality and peace.
When there is only pain in people, places and items, then they leave them, it demotivates them to repeat the behaviours of pain, brings fear in their mind of danger, and do not repeat them. But if there is an element of pleasure while getting pain, still the craving for the pleasure due to obsession and addiction will make the person to go for the repetition of the pleasure behaviours. Their mind will not think about the after effects, reality or pains etc as they are not in the reality conscious frame of mind. There are drugs that can create painful behaviours, we can create conditional learning in the minds of the affected people, to keep them away from the painful behaviours, people, items and places.
So, when we try to change people for the good, we need to create pains but at the same time show them some 'happiness' sources (or positive pleasure sources like eating healthy food, drinking healthy liquids and breathing healthy gases), teach them 'happy' behaviours...help them to live in reality with more peace, contentment and coping skills, better adjustment etc. This 'push away' (from bad health behaviours) and 'pull in' (towards the positive health behaviours) strategy will help.
Some of the positive social exercises or behaviours are helping the people at home / office / society with chores (cooking, cleaning, painting, washing, arranging, planning, coordinating etc). Giving help of what ever possible to the needy people and we need not search for such needy people as every one has some need or the other!!.
Visiting orphanages, old age homes, people with terminal illnesses, helping special children/people or differently abled people etc helps the person to perceive some happiness in life, meaning for life and living, contentment, satisfaction in life and usefulness in living. This motivates and inspires the person to leave the unhealthy behaviours and move towards these healthy behaviours.
Peacefully yours....Rams....Health Psychologist.
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