THIS IS FOR ALL WHO FEEL 'WHY PEOPLE KEEP FIGHTING WITH ME, CRITICIZING ME, SHOUTING AT ME, MOCKING AT ME ALWAYS'?

Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL WHO FEEL 'WHY PEOPLE KEEP FIGHTING WITH ME, CRITICIZING ME, SHOUTING AT ME, MOCKING AT ME ALWAYS'?

None of us can live alone on this earth for a long time. We need people. We need love and affection. We need the feeling of acceptance. We need hugs and kisses. We need a lap. We need a shoulder. We need the mother's bosom.

The first feeling of love and affection a child gets and learns moment it enters the world is the mother's hug, warmth and her kiss and her silent words with tears in her eyes 'You are my baby. I am there for you always. You are always protected. You are safe in my arms, hugs and bosom. You are never alone on this earth.I am always with you. Your ground under your feet is always me. The roof on top of your head is always me. Never worry. I am always there to protect you!'. Therefore, every organism keeps wandering throughout its life for these hugs, kisses, lap, the bosom of security and safety, caring and love and affection.

Ok, now coming to the topic, No one can live alone and they need people. The word family can be now redefined as 'consisting of people without whom we feel we can not live, who give us the motherly love, fatherly love and love and affection of siblings, friendships, spouse, lover, soulmate and all the relationships'.

We want Love from all these people and love means 'caring' for all our needs, wants, desires and expectations. They also need the same from us, every time and always. Every one does not get all the relationships in reality, always, and so we expect or try to perceive multiple relationships, multiple forms of love, multiple forms of caring from one or few individuals whom we have got in our life. This results in stress in body, mind and relationships.

This change in definition is important when families consist of only one person (in reality in practical sense) and professional relationships have crossed their barriers as we spend more time, face more challenges in offices, need more caring and support at office, passion-goals-success-aims etc have occupied our brains more (which is right) and truly people outside the homes give more caring and help us to realise the caring i explained above.

Actually family is collective body of persons who live in one house and under one roof or head which includes parents, children, grand parents etc. But we can include all those who matter to us in a long term in this family concept.

Families are integrated systems. Change in one member will affect all other members. Each member has his/her personal view of family events. Family members are in constant contact with one another and create an environment in which all exist. All members of the family influence one another through the complex network of their relationships.

The undesired relations among family members are more important to consider (as they bring in mental disorders, disharmony, affect the family pathology etc) than aspects of personality or other factors operating largely within the individuals. Understanding the dynamics of the family will provide insight in to the cause of disturbances in the behaviour of family members.

Family pathology is nothing to do with the infectious diseases. It refers to how a family functions as a unit and to the dynamics between the individual family members. It is not just about mental disorders, also include behaviours such as family violence, sexual abuse and other aberrant behaviours.

Prevention of mental disorder is done by encouraging secure attachments and reducing family violence, as these play a crucial role in children's healthy development.

There are many testing tools available in the internet which can be self-administered and evaluated. They will tell us how much adaptive we are in our interactions with our new concept of family members and which are the areas we need to change for betterment. We can check the standardization, validity and reliability of the tool and administer ourselves.

Let us identify and admit the personality and abilities of our family members, change ourselves a bit to adapt to others and live healthily, happily, peacefully and have smooth relationships with all our family members!!

Peacefully yours...rams....Health Psychologist!!