Dear all...THIS IS FOR ALL PARENTS...(people above 13 also can read to educate their parents)!!
As per the request of one of my friends, here are some posts related to the marriage...This is Part-I.
What is the biggest burden, responsibility and headache, pain, pleasure and happiness of an 'AVERAGE' Indian Parent?
MARRIAGE OF THEIR CHILDREN!!!
Producing and growing them up is enjoyed by them and therefore they enjoy this responsibility, though 'marriage' is at the back of their minds always. But irrespective of rich or poor or middle class family, marriage is considered as a big responsibility, pleasurable pain etc due to the anxieties and uncertainties involved.
Why it is a big burden for them? (especially for the parents having girl children)
Because they PERCEIVE the following...
1. It involves lots of money (expenditure in conduct of marriage, gold/ornaments, car, house hold items, house/flat, subsequent expenditure during festivals, child birth and other things given as dowry (unofficially) etc) so they feel they have to earn great money and wealth.
2. They have to find a matching FAMILY agreeable to all in the family and relatives. (match of religion, caste, sub-caste, horoscope, educational status, wealth status, financial status, power and authority in society, ego match, personality characteristics match, every one should talk good about them and their family (past and present), their relatives should be good and matching with their status, they should be able to visit their house/stay if required, family size and dependence of family members on the boy/girl for finances.
3. They have to find a boy who is highly educated, earning good salary, handsome and fair looking, and acceptable to their daughter etc within the several restrictions listed above (or an educated, homely, fair, beautiful looking, well employed and high earning girl).
4. Conducting the marriage involves lots of running around, talks, anxieties, expenditures etc.
5. From ‘deciding to find a match for their children’ to ‘settling down after the marriage’ takes years and involves anxiety moments full of stress and surprises, fear of unknown etc.
6. They unconsciously worry about their own life after the marriage after the expenditure, leaving of children from home etc.
7. The options/chances of finding a perfect match in all aspects is very less due to too many rules, regulations, restrictions they follow.
8. There are far too many decisions, far too many differences in opinions, far too many people to be convinced, managing finances....all these are too difficult, stressful, hopelessness, peace-happiness and health spoilers and therefore arranging and conducting a marriage is a herculean, life time task for them. But they feel it is their highest and most important responsibility and so suffer their entire life thinking about conducting marriage of their wards.
Hmmm...Can you see how complicated we have made this issue?...Also we have made our individual and family life too complicated that we don't have peace. The reasons are...
1. Far too many people having equal importance, priority and decision making authority.
2. Far too many expectations, restrictions, rules and regulations.
3. One side becomes too greedy to exploit the other side.
4. Marriage is a sort of unwritten financial, emotional, social business deal.
5. We always plan it bigger than our stretchable limits.
More will follow...
Peacefully yours....rams....Health Psychologist
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